check it out our google latitudes are spooning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
