Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
