party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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