i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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