look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
