I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
