So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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