Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
