The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
