She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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