If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
