Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
