1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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