Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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