Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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