just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
