dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
