she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
