can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need moral support for this bender
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
