mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
