It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
