He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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