you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
