Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
