your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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