the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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