Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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