so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
