Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
