I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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