I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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