Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
