i would punch a child for taco bell
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
