Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
