Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
