We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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