That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
