I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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