I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
