my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
