No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
