bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
