I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
