I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
