Will you blow on my dice?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
