Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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