Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
