Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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