I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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