fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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