i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Too much gin, very little bucket
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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