How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
