She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
