Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
