If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
