lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So. Much. Porn.
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