I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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