and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
