Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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