I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
