hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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