In America we eat man semen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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