areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
