last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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