Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to make out with him forever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
