the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
