I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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