wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im part way to drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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