I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
