Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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