drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
