i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
there is glitter all over my balls
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