Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
